Episode 2: Are you okay?
Hey, folks. Erin here. The word of the day is VULNERABLE. Holy smokes. Recording this episode of our podcast was a doozy for me. 😳 Long story short, I have dealt with anxiety and depression for much of my life. But in neglecting my mental health for so long during my years teaching, I developed a really fun panic disorder that, as you can witness from listening, still rears it’s ugly head.
Podcasts have been so beneficial to me and my personal mental health journey. Getting to hear people openly explore and share about things that I have so deeply and personally felt, but had never spoken about or never had the words to speak about has helped destigmatized these things for me in my brain. They’ve truly helped me get help. So, by sharing this very personal struggle in this podcast, maybe, just maybe, someone will relate.
Teachers, our mental health and our self care practices are vital. I hope we can value ourselves, value how we got to where we are today, and value the things we can do to improve our lives. You are worth it!
Get in touch.
We’d love to hear from you. Send us a note with a little about what you’re working on, what you need, when you need it, how we can help, and we’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have. Don’t be shy…do it today.
Rick
Hello everybody and welcome.
Rick
To the second episode of the relate and Educate Podcast, just going to fill you in real quick.
Rick
I’m here with Erin and we just spent about 2025 minutes having coffee together and and it was the greatest and we just decided to come back to the mic and just to have this conversation. Could to continue this conversation.
Rick
But Aaron, you want to tell him why we we took a?
Rick
Break and went over.
Erin
Yes, uhm hello everyone.
Erin
I as soon as I got here I was just really not feeling like myself and I was.
Erin
Buzzing inside it felt panic attack coming on and I just I don’t really know why it happened I’ve.
Erin
Been so happy that I haven’t had.
Erin
Panic attacks in so long and then here it comes.
Erin
So anyway, I just kept trying to calm down and get my **** together so we could start this podcast and I just couldn’t do it.
Erin
And so finally I came.
Erin
I went to the bathroom.
Erin
I came back into Rick’s office and I.
Erin
It’s like.
Erin
I’m in the.
Erin
Middle of a panic thing right now and he was like, OK, let’s just get out of here.
Erin
And so we walked across.
Erin
The street and.
Erin
Yeah, got coffee and first kind of talked about nothing and then yeah I feel so much better now something’s Rick.
Rick
So we’re going to talk about self care and you know.
Erin
How perfect.
Rick
I’m not perfect and we.
Rick
Know just from talking to a lot of teachers and from our own experience that.
Rick
Self care is so hard to manage and God, it just is so weird.
Rick
Sometimes you know even just the conversation we were having.
Rick
A lot of this stuff comes out of nowhere and you don’t know why you feel like you need to just run out of the building and you can’t breathe and all that stuff.
Rick
And so we’re going to talk about that in particular.
Rick
But I think you know one thing, I want to talk about.
Rick
Just run up the bat just to identify the elephant in the room.
Rick
You know.
Rick
Usually the first week or so in January you have this.
Rick
Just this excitement, you know this going to be the best year ever and I was telling Aaron this morning I I have not picked up on any of those kind of vibes from anyone including me that you know this this year holds so much promise and and things like that.
Rick
It’s just it feels like.
Rick
2022 is just a perpetual.
Rick
It’s just 2020.
Rick
One, just you know, times two, it’s just it’s, it’s it.
Rick
It exists, we know it exists.
Rick
We’re walking through it mate.
Erin
Yeah, same frustrations and.
Erin
Weird stuff that was in 2021 is exactly the same stuff we’re doing now again.
Rick
Yeah, so we’re definitely not strutting into 2022. Maybe we’re limping in or crawling into 2022 and we want you to know that that we get that.
Rick
And we feel that, and so if this is not going to be, you know we’re not going to add things to your plate.
Rick
We’re just we will want you to.
Rick
To consider a few things about your.
Rick
Self care and.
Rick
You know the big thing with us and when we go have professional developments and talk with teachers, it’s a constant starting point of checking in with yourself and how important that is.
Rick
And you could call it awareness.
Rick
You could call it, you know, checking checking in questions.
Rick
But whatever you call it, it’s just making sure that you’re doing OK and you know on on the regular I’m I’m checking in with friends and family and if I pick up on some weird vibes with them and I.
Rick
I I just feel like man, something something’s off I’ll ask him about it and.
Rick
Just say hey, are you OK?
Rick
But how important is that for you to do for yourself so?
Rick
You know, Aaron, what do you think?
Erin
Yeah, I totally agree.
Erin
I think a question that I ask people a lot is how’s your heart?
Erin
Because like how you doing you know the common answer just like good.
Erin
How are you or fine?
Erin
You know, no one really gives an honest answer there.
Erin
But like with my close friends, I don’t just like ask strangers that or anything but.
Erin
With my close friends and family like how’s your heart and I do that I think ’cause my dad used to ask me that growing up too and so.
Erin
So yeah.
Erin
Getting to like.
Erin
The heart of this stuff, and it’s I I check in with other people probably a lot easier and more frequently than I.
Erin
Really check in with myself if I’m honest.
Erin
I mean hello, just had.
Erin
Panic attack a second ago.
Erin
I mean, I think I do need to do more.
Erin
I know I need to do more checking in with myself and taking taking an accurate look at.
Erin
You know what life is looking like right now?
Rick
Yeah, that that’s the issue is that you can go throughout your day and look at how is everybody else doing.
Rick
How is my class doing?
Rick
You know, in my own schedule, did I get that lesson completed or not?
Rick
You have all these different things to think about, but the thing that you need to think about every day, not all day but every day you need to check in is yourself and just asking some very simple questions.
Rick
And that is what today is all about so.
Rick
Aaron, your story is so powerful because, well, I identify with it and I know that a lot of teachers identify.
Rick
With it but.
Rick
Could you just like walk?
Rick
Us through you know your.
Rick
A journey of self care and kind of how that all started.
Erin
Yeah, I.
Erin
Have been an elementary teacher for the past 15 years and this is my first year not teach.
Erin
Uhm, I’ve kind of gone through, you know, I started younger and I just kind of kept moving up and then.
Erin
I did stem my last.
Erin
Couple of years.
Erin
So anyway I.
Erin
Loved I love teaching.
Erin
I love teaching.
Erin
I am and forever will identify myself as a teacher and.
Erin
I don’t know that’s my heart that’s.
Erin
Whatever kind of thing you’re if created to do something is a thing I think I was created to be a teacher and I.
Erin
Love it and I’m thankful I’ve.
Erin
Always had that and.
Erin
I think since it’s been something that I’ve.
Erin
Loved so much and it’s been so wonderful and fulfilling.
Erin
I don’t know the negative things that were coming with it because it was so fun and I was.
Erin
Loving it and.
Erin
It almost like I shouldn’t.
Erin
I was in doing something that I loved to do so much and I was having so much fun doing it.
Erin
Then why am I feeling like this, you know?
Erin
And so anyway, I.
Erin
Teaching was my sweet spot, like I’ve kind of said, I feel like I’m rambling.
Erin
I’m still kind of buzzing from earlier.
Erin
I had a lot of.
Erin
Barriers and difficult things that I like in my personal life.
Erin
’cause it just I wasn’t taking care of myself mentally, physically anything and so.
Erin
Anyway I started.
Erin
Get like pouring everything into school.
Erin
At the total expense of my mental health because.
Erin
That’s what I do.
Erin
That’s what I love doing, and that’s what I felt.
Erin
Powerful in and.
Erin
Then in doing so, it led to.
Erin
Major like it, it culminated with anxiety, panic and I’m sorry.
Erin
Can we like back up?
Rick
No, just keep it on roll on.
Rick
OK.
Erin
OK OK OK.
Erin
I’m kind of losing.
Erin
My mind here OK?
Erin
So I.
Erin
I need to read through a second.
Erin
I’m sorry.
Rick
Just just breathe, yeah, you’re doing great.
Erin
OK, I just was getting off track and everything yeah.
Erin
All right so.
Erin
With my first couple years of teaching.
Erin
Yeah, I.
Erin
Was, you know, going through like a really long break up my first year or two and it was break up and then back on so it was.
Erin
Uh, just total.
Erin
You know, screwing with my mind and everything, and I remember in like when I was teaching my second graders and I would be standing there riding on the board and then just something a wave of sadness and heartbreak would hit me and I was this.
Erin
Only adult in the classroom.
Erin
My back was to the students, my students and tears were coming out of my eyes and they just like would hit me so strongly.
Erin
And then I would turn around or gather up all my strength to turn around and have a brave face to my face and I turn.
Erin
Around and keep.
Erin
Teaching and I was just like pushing all of my emotions and all of that stuff.
Erin
Aside, and obviously it was like.
Erin
Bubbling up and coming out of my eyes even while I was teaching and then oh truly, one of the biggest struggles for me.
Erin
Like the financial struggles ’cause we don’t make much money and I have.
Erin
I was single up until my 30s.
Erin
And I had a house I owned a house and I started out with a roommate and then eventually was just doing it totally by myself and I was.
Erin
I was overdrafted almost every single time I got paid I was.
Erin
I mean it was this is vulnerable for me to talk about this.
Erin
’cause this is such a point of shame.
Erin
For me, I just felt so.
Erin
Worthless that I couldn’t.
Erin
Control, you know, consume ’cause I was wanting to.
Erin
Have a social?
Erin
Life wanting to have fun, but I had in Morgan a mortgage and I hardly had any money.
Erin
I mean making I started out making $29,000. I mean how in the world is someone supposed to live on that today? I mean we we.
Erin
Can’t so anyway.
Rick
Well, just to that.
Rick
Point I was and this is I never talk about this.
Rick
Yeah to anybody except, you know, just one or two close friends.
Rick
It was shameful for me that into my 40s into my 40s.
Rick
I would go to target to get groceries on Sunday afternoon.
Rick
And there were regular days.
Rick
It happened regularly that I didn’t know if I had the money to cover the groceries.
Rick
Now, with that said, I we we did not spend.
Rick
You know we didn’t just blow our money.
Rick
We had two kids.
Rick
You know we had bills.
Rick
We were.
Rick
We manage our money very very well, but it was razor thin every month.
Rick
And you know, I taught my wife is still an elementary educator and that stress.
Rick
Wears on you and it’s shameful because you know.
Rick
As a 40 year old man with a family that is not where you’re supposed to be financially, you know.
Rick
So I yeah, I get it I.
Erin
Get it, I mean, when I really do take a look back at things I do think money was probably.
Erin
Be a huge contributing factor to the decline of my mental health, like the lack of my and.
Erin
I was just.
Erin
Constantly under stress.
Erin
I was constantly like and I this is so embarrassing but like I even had to come to my dad one time.
Erin
And be like I’m.
Erin
Sunk I need help and like my dad had to bail.
Erin
Me out because I was so.
Erin
So anyway, if I’m just being honest and I don’t know, maybe other people you know haven’t had that big of a struggle, but I just don’t think that’s true because everyone knows teachers make hardly anything.
Erin
And if you’re not really good with your money and balancing your money, and if you you know have a whole lot of responsibilities, then you just how are you supposed?
Erin
To do it all so anyway.
Erin
When I look back, money was a huge thing and then.
Erin
I don’t know. You are always looking around at other teachers and they’re staying until 5:00 or 6:00 o’clock. And then if you know you’re happening for one day to leave at 3:30 or something and then people have comments about it. Even though like the day before, I was just.
Erin
Staying really late, you know?
Erin
I don’t know.
Erin
I don’t know, just.
Erin
And you’re comparing yourself.
Erin
It’s probably not other people being as hard on me as I was I was.
Erin
That’s probably a lot of internal stuff.
Erin
We’re going to say something.
Rick
Well, you compare yourself to everyone you see.
Rick
Yeah, not just one teacher.
Rick
So if you leave before anybody, then you feel a little bit bad about it and you know.
Rick
And then those passive aggressive comments are always nice and Katie Kinder talks about you know why do we eat or young and?
Rick
Yeah, we very gently at times eat our young just with these offhand comments.
Rick
You know, not knowing how devastating it can be for someone to say, you know, oh, you know, did did you have an appointment yesterday?
Rick
Is that why you left 3:30?
Rick
Yeah, like, oh leave me alone.
Erin
Or like oh, I came back to talk.
Erin
To you the last.
Erin
Couple days and you haven’t been here and I I don’t.
Know what I’m supposed to say?
Erin
To that like they’re getting.
Erin
On to me for being a 23.
Erin
Year old who went home.
Erin
Yeah, so I don’t know just.
Erin
And I compare myself.
Erin
I hold myself to a stupid high standard that I would never hold anyone else to like.
Erin
It would be cruel to hold someone.
Else to this.
Erin
Standard that I like.
Erin
You know, I get on to myself for every little thing, but.
Erin
I don’t know.
Erin
I put, I know that’s a lot of self inflicted stuff is though comparing, but uhm.
Erin
And just once.
Erin
I I moved from 5th grade or sorry 2nd grade to 3rd grade to 5th grade and when I moved up to 5th grade I was the 5th grade social studies and science teacher and so the person or it was actually two people who did it before me and they were kind of you know legends at her school they’d.
Erin
Been there for.
Erin
You know a couple decades and then.
Erin
Everyone was excited to do all of the activities that they knew were going to happen in there, so I felt like there was a lot of stuff that I had to make sure and do.
Erin
Plus, I was teaching early American history, which I had not had myself since I was in like what 8th grade.
Erin
Whatever, usually teach that, I mean.
Erin
I I was having to.
Erin
Teach myself that and in science, and like the whole human body and all the human body systems, we did this big thing in fifth grade and dissecting sharks like there was just so many big moments.
Erin
I think there is even an election that.
Erin
Year so I was a.
Erin
Social studies teacher.
Erin
So I was doing that so there.
Erin
Was just so many big things and I.
Erin
Just felt.
Erin
Like I had.
Erin
Like it wasn’t an option to not do those things, and so I’m not exaggerating.
Erin
I would if I wasn’t staying at school really late when I first started teaching 5th grade.
Erin
If I wasn’t staying at school till like six or seven.
Erin
I was going home at three or four because I just needed a change of scenery and I was working at my house until well after midnight.
Erin
I was going to sleep for I’m not exaggerating like 3 or 4 hours and waking up really.
Erin
Early so I could wake up and make sure I knew all of the information that was going to go in part to my kids and it was such a big responsibility and you know, is.
Erin
That whole year is kind of a blur.
Erin
When I think about it.
Erin
’cause as a whole.
Erin
I was literally sleeping like 3 hours every night like it was just crazy and so that year.
Erin
Was kind of like the tipping point for me because I had just.
Erin
I gave everything like I can’t stress like every ounce of everything I did was for my kids and baby.
Erin
I loved it.
Erin
I was teaching your daughter that year and that was such a wonderful, memorable year and I did feel like I was.
Erin
A good teacher like.
Erin
I felt like I was.
Erin
Engaging and having all of these you know rewarding activities.
Erin
And all this kind of stuff, but.
Rick
And a quick side note, you you taught my son and my daughter and you.
Rick
Are their favorite teacher both?
Rick
And so it’s no joke, she was.
Rick
She is a really, really good teacher, but you just did.
Rick
You took it too.
Rick
Far, oh I took it.
Erin
Too far and or I was.
Erin
Just putting.
Erin
No energy in anything else, and so like I wasn’t, there was no balance anywhere like I would hardly even see my family like my parents or I just wasn’t seeing people ’cause it was.
Erin
I was so busy and you know what’s?
Erin
Really messed up is that.
Erin
Everyone in your life.
Erin
I feel like when you’re in those times and my friends, my.
Erin
Parents even like you’re getting like, oh, you are working so hard you’re getting all of this praise about like.
Erin
Oh my goodness.
Erin
And when you when you know your family is like checking in with someone I haven’t talked to in a long.
Erin
Time like oh.
Erin
How is Aaron oh?
Erin
She is working so hard like?
Erin
That was kind of.
Erin
Like my idea and.
Rick
You’re bad learner.
Erin
I did like I felt like.
Erin
Yeah I am.
Erin
I am putting in the time like I felt not only like a good teacher but like a.
Erin
Good adult you know like I.
Rick
They’re good Americans.
Erin
Felt like this, yeah?
Erin
America and I just.
Erin
I don’t know.
Erin
It it it was a mind game really.
Erin
It was so weird because you get so and oh, and to add that I got voted teacher of the year that year like that I was getting seen and recognized for all that stuff that was giving me pride in one way.
Erin
But then I also if I was checking in with myself and I was asking myself those questions.
Erin
I was not happy.
Erin
I was in a very dark place and I was in a scary.
Erin
Place like my mind I never.
Erin
Wanted to actually kill myself, but dying sounded really peaceful.
Erin
Dying sounded like.
Erin
Ah, that easy.
Erin
That’d be really easy.
Erin
And so and I thought that for a long time.
Erin
And your.
Rick
Body and your mind is just so hungry for rest in peace that that sounds pretty enticing.
Rick
And I’m I’m saying that with the same experience like I felt that too.
Rick
So yeah.
Erin
So I don’t know that.
Erin
Year, the last day of school, like all the teachers come back after the kids had had left.
Erin
They closed out and then they announced, like the teachers of the year that year and called my name and so that night.
Erin
It was my friends Bachelorette party actually and so all of my girlfriends got together and I had told my sister.
Erin
I think that I had gotten that reward, so she was like bragging on me to all of my friends and stuff.
Erin
And that night was probably my darkest night ever, and as I was like had the little.
Erin
Apple statue thing like looking in my room across from me.
Erin
I mean I was.
Erin
So low I was so unhappy I was hurt.
Erin
I was lonely.
Erin
I was just.
Erin
Deployed and in the years over so now that I have now, I have summer and.
Erin
It’s like what you?
Know this first.
Erin
Couple weeks this summer.
Erin
Like you don’t know what to do with yourself because you’re just so used to being like Oh no, no no no not.
Erin
On and so anyway.
Erin
Long story, that was kind of that all of that over working like that was the year that it just kind of halted because it like had such an effect on me that I could not continue going on like that like it was even as much as I tried to.
Erin
I tried to, but like I literally could not.
Erin
So anyway, all of not dealing with that led to years of anxiety and depression and getting worse because you’re not dealing with anything ’cause you’re ready so overwhelmed with school.
Erin
How in the hell are you going to have time to go do anything else about this?
Erin
I wasn’t going to like any doctors or anything because who has time and.
Erin
It had been.
Erin
So long that I was like little **** they’re gonna tell me I’m dying ’cause I really felt like I was dying when I was, you know, in the middle of.
Erin
All the fun anxiety that anxiety does.
Erin
To you and.
Erin
So it’s just years and years and years money problems feeling like I’m dying but too afraid to do.
Erin
Anything about it?
Erin
Not sleeping, I mean just all of that kind of stuff.
Erin
So anyway, one summer.
Erin
Actually, this summer after that I met my husband.
Erin
I had not, but he.
Erin
Like came in and just.
Erin
Changed my life.
Erin
Life, but there was something like I think.
Erin
It just.
Erin
Shook my world up enough where I?
Erin
Had to not focus on the same things I was focusing.
Erin
And so, like my priorities were just different because I really liked this Wesley guy and I yeah he was my new priority.
Erin
Not my 5th graders, you know.
Erin
And he was.
Erin
You know, so I I.
Erin
I did start kind of having.
Erin
I changed my perspective and stuff, but I still wasn’t dealing with the mental things that all of those years of neglect had dealt with.
Erin
And I like the first several years.
Erin
Of my marriage.
Erin
Were kind of hard.
Erin
They were great they.
Erin
Were so fun.
Erin
But it was hard for me because I.
Erin
Was going to school giving.
Erin
Everything like being so, so, so on and then I would come home and I you I was used to coming home to like an empty house ’cause I was living by myself and so now I come home.
Erin
And I’m just done.
Erin
And my husband was not only just getting leftovers like they weren’t even leftovers like he was just getting this quiet like shell of a person.
Erin
He was grumpy all the time and I was grumpy in the mornings when I woke up.
Erin
I was grumpy on that, you know, like.
Erin
It wasn’t.
Erin
I could not have been.
Erin
Fun to live with and so.
Erin
Anyway, we you know we talked about that.
Erin
Priorities started changing and that was really good for me.
Erin
We, you know, I started having more outlets and fulfilling things than just school and so anyway.
Erin
I’m talking a lot.
Erin
There was, I started teaching stem and my world kind of slowed down a little bit.
Erin
Not that special teachers have so much and they have so much extra like art shows.
Erin
Plays all of that extra kind of stuff, but a lucky thing is we don’t have like papers to grade and so that kind in that.
Erin
Aspect my workload.
Erin
Lessened significantly, and so I was more free to not stay at school at ungodly hours.
Erin
So like be there during my contract hours.
Erin
And you know, whatever.
Erin
So that was really nice and.
Erin
It was really frustrating also because I thought like my life is getting so much easier and so.
Erin
Much better but.
Erin
I’m dying and I feel I would go to school and I would sit in my.
Erin
Car and die before I get out.
Erin
And I would be fighting back.
Erin
Tears trying to.
Erin
And catch my breath.
Erin
I would I would shake.
Erin
I really felt like I was having heart attacks every day and I and again too afraid to go to the doctor and anxiety lies to you.
Erin
Your brain is like a cruel mean person and.
Erin
Lies to you.
Erin
And so anyway, it’s just.
Erin
It was just so.
Erin
Such a messed up place in my head for so long that it’s hard for me to even think back there.
Erin
’cause I.
Erin
Have things a little bit clearer, but.
Erin
It was just so.
Erin
Busy and noisy and scary and.
Erin
It was just such a bad place.
Erin
And so one day I was at school.
Erin
I showed it was a Friday morning and I showed up to school and my first class didn’t come until 9:00 o’clock and I showed up and I was like OK.
Erin
Today is the day I will die.
Erin
Today is the day, not my own.
Erin
By my own, but I just thought I was dying and I’m going to go home and just whatever happens, and I really, truly had convinced myself.
Erin
So I called our.
Erin
Office person was like I’m so sick.
Erin
I can’t stay here anymore and she’s like, oh honey.
Erin
OK go home go home.
Erin
So I went home.
Erin
And as soon as my.
Erin
Husband came home from work I just.
Erin
I’m doing in my head and so depressed they.
Erin
Have anxiety well if I’m just feeling all.
This stuff.
Erin
And I it just came out and.
Erin
Something about that day like it almost feels like miraculous hell.
Erin
Just those words coming out of my mouth.
Erin
Like the weight kind of lifted a little bit and I could see things more clearly and.
Erin
Wesley, my husband, like if I would say something he would be able to like.
Erin
Check back in and be like that’s not real like what you’re saying.
Erin
They’re like let’s.
Erin
Look at reality.
Erin
For a second, so just having.
Erin
I don’t know acknowledging things just helped so much and it just and now I look back.
Erin
Over the past.
Erin
I don’t know five or six years since that moment.
Erin
And I’ve gotten therapy I’m on.
Erin
You know, whatever tragedy or a Lexapro whatever that antidepressant, whatever it is, and I’ve found a good thing that works for me and I.
Erin
Don’t know I.
Erin
Just look back to that time and I just.
Erin
I hate how that person felt and I really hate.
Erin
That there’s other teachers that.
Erin
Would be feeling anything on that spectrum like.
Erin
Even if it’s not as severe, even if.
Erin
It’s way more severe like.
Erin
I couldn’t teach like that like I was.
Erin
There were times in my stem classroom that I would be.
Erin
Like in the middle of like getting a kit, getting kids like.
Erin
OK, here’s your project for the day or here’s what you know.
Erin
Here’s your essential questions.
Erin
Let’s answer them.
Erin
And like I couldn’t continue and be like OK, I need to make it or send an email real quick and I would put like a dude perfect video on and just sit at my desk and have panic attack while I had a class full of kids like I couldn’t teach.
Erin
Like that like it was in such a.
I don’t know.
Erin
It’s the thought of anyone else going through anything like that.
Erin
I just.
Erin
Want you to?
Erin
Know I did it and I still do it.
Erin
Hello I had a panic attack this morning so I don’t know just acknowledging.
Erin
I guess to get back to.
Erin
Where we started as.
Erin
Oh my God, I would have checked.
Erin
In with myself taking a.
Erin
Truly honest look to had.
Erin
I don’t know if I would have been honest.
Erin
I wasn’t being honest with myself.
Erin
I certainly wasn’t being honest with my friends or family.
Erin
Was keeping everything in.
Erin
If I was just checking in, I just I feel like I could have looked at this a little bit more.
Erin
Broadly and.
Rick
It’s so hard when you have that kind of emotion involved because it’s so immense.
Rick
It’s so big and maybe maybe kind of know that deep down and.
Rick
That’s why you don’t ever look at it.
Rick
You know what I mean like?
Rick
When I was going through my stuff I.
Erin
Yes, that’s so good.
Erin
Keep going that’s.
Rick
Yeah, but when I was going through my.
Erin
It just hit me when you said.
Rick
Stuff it would come out in particular moments in my day and for me it was in the morning when I would.
Rick
Take a shower.
Rick
I I would get like.
Rick
Disproportionately angry in the shower.
Rick
I I I would start to think about frustrations and just things about work and school and stuff.
Rick
And you talk about just boiling rage in the shower every morning.
Erin
What a great way to start your day.
Rick
It’s so it was so.
Rick
Weird, but looking back I can see that there were no inputs like I.
Rick
I could not be distracted by either.
Rick
You know, doing things or reading or listening to things or whatever, or being engaged in a task.
Rick
So when I’m in the shower, it’s just all the inputs are gone and it’s like all of that.
Rick
Anxiety and frustration started to kind of bubble up to the top like it’s almost like it wanted out, but I wouldn’t let.
Rick
It and then you know when like when the jar cracks and there’s no choice.
Rick
Everything is coming out no matter what you know you have those moments of OK, I can’t ignore it anymore, you know and.
Rick
It’s so great that your husband was there as a backstop for that.
Rick
Oh, ’cause imagine if he wasn’t there and.
Erin
How much gems gotten, I know.
Right?
Rick
But to be able to.
Rick
Identify the problem, whatever that is.
Rick
You know it could be tension at work.
Rick
It could be just frustrations.
Erin
Or just acknowledge that you are frustrated or that yeah, I.
Erin
Mean at the?
Erin
Very basic things like what do I feel right now?
Rick
Like how do I feel right now which is?
Rick
I mean, that’s the point of what we’re talking about.
Rick
Today is checking in with yourself on a regular basis should not be optional.
Rick
It’s something that you need need need to do because both Aaron and I existed for many years without like honestly looking at.
Not ourselves.
Rick
Uhm, and I I hear what you were saying.
Rick
About getting that affirmation of you’re working so hard.
Rick
Yeah, you’re working so.
Rick
Hard well that.
Rick
Is great in a healthy way, but when you’re doing it way too, you’re going way too far.
Rick
You’re pouring way too much energy and your you care way, way, way too much for it to be healthy and sustainable then.
Rick
You know they don’t know that when they say, hey, you’re working so hard they mean you know this.
Rick
This is a compliment, but when it’s detrimental to your health and your happiness and your family like that’s an issue so.
Rick
You know?
Rick
Realistically speaking, it is difficult and most people do not check in with themselves.
Rick
Most people do not take the time to.
Rick
Meditate and that’s.
Rick
Not really what we’re talking about here today.
Rick
We want to start with, you know, small, actionable steps that any teacher in their unique day.
Rick
Because teachers have a unique day.
Rick
It’s not like you know, go into business or running a shop or anything.
Rick
It’s different.
Rick
You have the benefit of a schedule.
Rick
But you are inundated with decisions, so you have decision fatigue.
Rick
You’re likely physically fatigued because you’re probably not sleeping as long as you should.
Rick
So you may be stress eating, so there’s a lot of things going on and we want to kind of unravel them one thread at a time, and.
Rick
So what we’re talking about today is, you know, checking in with yourself.
Rick
In particular, and we’re going to look at a couple of different aspects of that as well that are important to take a look at.
Rick
Uhm, but asking yourself how are you right now?
Rick
Like if you were talking to a friend and clearly your friend is upset.
Rick
Clearly there’s something off about how they are operating in the course of the day and you said, hey, are you, are you OK?
Rick
Like that interjection, forcing them to stop and think am I OK and?
Rick
You know, have.
Rick
You ever done that with a friend?
Rick
And they’re like I don’t.
Rick
I don’t know is.
Rick
There something you know well, why do?
Rick
Why do?
Rick
You ask, right?
Rick
Like what evidence do you have like?
Rick
What have I not like?
Rick
Shielded from you?
Rick
So that I could fix it, but just knowing you have to recognize, oh, I am not OK, right?
Erin
Now well and.
Erin
Being like yeah I’m OK But I’m also sad and I’m also this and I’m also this and you being you don’t have to be one thing like that’s not mutually exclusive.
Erin
You can be really happy and really fulfilled in whatever and your friendships and your marriage and your.
Erin
You know, being a parent, whatever, but then you.
Erin
Can also be dying.
Erin
And you can be.
Erin
Sad and depressed.
Erin
And confused and all this stuff, so it’s just.
Rick
You can be more than one thing, yes.
Erin
Yeah, live in the end.
Erin
You’re happy and you’re scared you’re this and you’re this and that’s OK.
Erin
It doesn’t mean that you’re not happy, it means that you’re also experiencing other stuff.
Rick
Right?
Erin
Yeah, so I needed to hear that because.
Erin
Like that it can be nuanced that it can.
Erin
There can be a lot of different feelings and stuff.
Erin
I just felt like I had to be a good worker.
Erin
I have to.
Erin
Be happy about this.
Erin
’cause I love teaching and I love kids, yeah?
Rick
And and you can love teaching and it can.
Rick
Really suck all at.
Rick
The same.
Rick
Time, yeah, and acknowledging you know today, really.
Rick
So it it really did.
Rick
However I love this and that’s why I’m coming back tomorrow.
Yes, yes.
Rick
But man today was a bummer.
Rick
Like it, it was bad.
Erin
That so.
Erin
Hard for it.
Erin
Felt like I was like.
Erin
I don’t know like being unfaithful to my teaching career or something in my life.
Erin
I don’t know how to explain.
Erin
It, but it.
Erin
Didn’t feel like I could always be.
Erin
Maybe that just as a society, we’re opening up our eyes where we can see things.
I don’t know.
Rick
Yeah no, I I the.
Erin
More nuanced, I think that’s more focused now.
Rick
I think that we’re way more honest about things these days than when I started.
Rick
You know, in the late 90s even.
Rick
But you know, we will get into that kind of thing in another episode.
Rick
But what I wanted to circle back to is like, OK, so there is a need to look at yourself and to check in with yourself and ask yourself these questions.
Rick
How is it that you can do that?
Rick
Because I I you know, I’ve been to some in services with.
Rick
People that talked about meditation and yoga and things like that, but they they never taught and they have no idea how to integrate this very helpful technique.
Erin
What that can look like for a teacher?
Rick
Yeah, but how do you fit that into your day without it?
Rick
Just like this doesn’t work.
Yeah, yeah.
Rick
So Erin and I’ve looked at some things and we have a strategy for you.
Rick
It’s very simple.
Rick
It’s very basic.
Rick
You know whether.
Rick
It be 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes.
Rick
And Aaron said, you know, maybe it’s just a breath.
Rick
So maybe it’s just 10 seconds that you do this, but doing that every work day, so maybe it works Monday through Friday, but it doesn’t fit into your schedule Saturday and Sunday.
Rick
And that’s OK.
Rick
What we’re looking at is being able to as an individual.
Rick
Monitor how you are physically, mentally, spiritually.
Rick
Uh, in the school setting because I think that the school setting does a lot of things to you and we’ll get to that in a minute.
Rick
And how are you dealing with that is important, so integrating that into your day.
Rick
So what we’ve come up with is this.
Rick
You have a set schedule in your day as a teacher.
Rick
Most people do anyway.
Rick
Most teachers do, so you have a planning period.
Rick
Whether that be you know whether it may not be long enough.
Rick
You know, maybe it’s not enough for you to get everything done.
Rick
We get that, but it is built into your schedule and then you have a lunch built into your schedule and then you have an end of day so.
Rick
We feel like you have three different options and whatever works for you.
Rick
Uh, it.
Rick
Works, so don’t judge yourself at all, you know.
Rick
And if if it.
Rick
If it just doesn’t work, that’s OK too.
Rick
Let’s keep looking.
Rick
But for instance, if you get to the end of your day, the bell rings and the kids leave.
Rick
And like OK, so maybe you have a parent teacher conference.
Rick
Maybe you have a meeting with some teachers.
Rick
Maybe you have bus duty, but let’s let’s consider that none of that is going on right?
Rick
Or none of that regularly goes on South end your school day.
Rick
Let’s say it’s at 4:00 o’clock.
Rick
Bell rings.
Rick
Kids leave, walk over to the door, shut the door, lock the door.
Rick
Turn out the lights and then go sit.
Rick
Away from any window where people can peer into your room.
Rick
And see you.
Rick
So you don’t want any.
Rick
Evidence for anybody to know that you’re in the room and that’s your trigger, right?
Rick
So the trigger is going to the door, locking it, turning out the lights.
Rick
The response to that is you going and sitting.
Rick
And just being quiet, all the inputs are out so you know the lights are out.
Rick
So a lot of the visual stuff.
Rick
Maybe either is diminished or gone depending on how dark your room is, and then you know the noise.
Rick
You know it’s it’s at least diminished minimized.
Erin
Minimize yes.
Rick
You’re not next to your computer, or it’s not.
Rick
There is nothing to do in this time so.
Rick
You just sit there, and honestly, if you just pause this podcast for just a second, if you just paused and just sat in a quiet room and just kind of looked at, how do I feel and just kind of went from head to toe and your body?
Rick
You would be surprised at.
Rick
Wow, my feet are burning or my chest is warm or I I can feel my pulse in my face.
Rick
You would be surprised at what you will find when you just take the time to stop and you just stop doing things.
Rick
Eliminate the inputs and sit there.
Rick
Now can you do you?
Rick
Can you take it farther than that?
Rick
Absolutely, yes.
Rick
Of course you can do that, but try that first.
Rick
A two minute on the clock just sitting in the quiet.
Rick
Most people should be able to pull that off.
Rick
And then take it from there like wow.
Rick
2 minutes is great, but maybe it’s not long enough.
Rick
What if we went three minutes?
Rick
What if we went five minutes?
Rick
That check in will allow you to be a better teacher, a better friend, a better parent, a better child.
Rick
All because you just take the time to say.
Rick
How am I and then you can then say wow, I’m really angry.
Rick
Yeah, my hands are shaking or cold.
Rick
My body is in a full blown like you know.
Rick
Response to, like you know, danger, you know I.
Rick
Have my heart.
Rick
‘s racing and then and like Aaron.
Rick
Like what you said.
Rick
Once you identified the problem, you found the edges.
Rick
Your husband helped you create a plan and you started taking steps like.
Rick
Just going to.
Rick
The doctor yes.
Erin
Oh my God, yes, that was.
Yes, yeah.
Erin
It made me like, oh, you’re actually not doing too bad.
Erin
You know there’s some things you could work on, and hey, there’s like science and professionals who.
Erin
Have like know?
Erin
About these things that you’re dealing with.
Erin
And like we could help you.
Erin
You don’t have.
Erin
You don’t have to deal.
Erin
With this all.
Erin
On your own, like.
Erin
That was I don’t know.
Erin
Yeah, I opened my eyes a little bit and I want to say something about the like.
Erin
You know, taking a breath on this stuff, I mean.
Erin
Literally like sitting there in the dark or closing your eyes or whatever you’re doing.
Erin
And like being like OK, the top of my head.
Erin
My head.
Erin
I fill my hair on my shoulders like feel what your body is actually experiencing in that moment.
Erin
One it can take you out of like the crazy headspace because you’re focusing on like such intricate.
Erin
You know small details and like thinking like what something smells like hear what you hear.
Erin
But you touch like page into all your senses.
Erin
And so it really it helps.
Erin
Kind of like free your mind a little bit and then after you’re there or Azure there you can kind of.
Erin
That’s a good way to check in.
Like OK?
Erin
So I’ve gone through my physical things right.
Erin
What is my head thinking?
Erin
What is my heart feeling?
Erin
What is I mean that I mean?
Erin
I’m truly at the end of the.
Erin
Day I would close the door and as like we were at a school that it was elementary, middle and.
Erin
High school there.
Erin
So at the end of the day, there’d be like middle school and high school former students coming in wanting to say hi and I would be sitting there at my desk.
Erin
Away from the window and I’d hear all these knocking and.
Erin
Like I guess she lived early today.
Erin
Where where is?
Erin
She and I was trying to like minimize that and be in.
Erin
The moment and focusing book.
Erin
That helped a lot.
Erin
Getting like a cap to your day, like the end of the day and just in separating school day from the rest of the.
Erin
Day to yeah from your real life you.
Rick
Being able to put that school day in its place like OK, you are done now I’m moving into another phase.
Rick
And but part of.
Rick
This that’s hard because when students come to your door and they want to say hello and things like.
Rick
Teachers feel obligated for that because it is good.
Rick
It is.
Rick
It’s so nice.
Erin
It like its heart donut.
It’s so serious.
Rick
However, owning that moment whether it’s two minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, owning it and saying this is for me, and I’m worth this investment.
Rick
And it is an investment. You are investing in yourself, and it pays out 100,000 fold.
Rick
But out of obligation, people tend to put themselves.
Rick
On the back burner.
Rick
And one thing that.
Rick
You said about breathing.
Rick
You know when you’re in yoga, they talk about breathing constantly.
Rick
Right now there are obvious benefits to breathing it.
Rick
It oxygenates your body and things like that.
Rick
But one thing that it does when you are able to breathe it is it is.
Rick
Your physical body is telling your mind we’re safe.
Rick
Because when you take a deep slow breath, your body is telling your mind hey, we’re OK, chill out right and we’re still we’re still alive.
Yeah, we’re.
Erin
Still alive like that is that’s the.
Erin
Basic thing that I needed to hear in.
Erin
Those moments like.
Erin
You’re still alive.
Erin
You’re still breathing it.
Rick
And seems.
Erin
Your heart still works.
Rick
That’s so important.
Rick
And when you breathe, like whether it’s manufactured or not, so at the end of a tough day, you sit, and you’ve done this for maybe three months.
Rick
OK, and you.
Rick
Sit at the desk and it was a really.
Rick
Rough day, that first long breath you will feel your whole body.
Rick
Just relax.
Rick
And there’s a reason for that.
Rick
It’s biological that you know.
Rick
This is not magic, it is just the way that we’re built and it makes.
Rick
So that’s step one, right?
Rick
Taking the time on a regular basis at your schedule, fitting in two minutes in a dark room with the door shut.
Rick
Let’s start with that now, what if you want to take it?
Rick
What if you’re already doing that?
Rick
But if you want to take another step, well, there are apps, of course.
Rick
That you hear about all the time headspace is where I learned how to.
Rick
They they have a like a 7 day free trial.
Rick
I did the seven day free trial because again, we’ve talked.
Rick
We talked about where I was financially.
Rick
So what I did was I got headspace.
Rick
I downloaded it.
Rick
I did the seven day free trial and I went through their course.
Rick
Basically they walk you through what is meditation and they’re great, and it’s so great and at the end of the seven days I did not.
Rick
Go to the full blown.
Rick
You know paid subscription.
Rick
What I did was I went to.
Rick
Com and com.
Rick
Now has you know they have an app and you can get a premium at a discount for teachers but I went with the free and they just had.
Rick
I just used the free options and they were great and what I did was I just used the template that.
Rick
Headspace had showed me and I did that and.
Rick
I did it for.
Rick
Two or three years every day I had during my planning period I was a coach, so it was before my my athletic hour and I would sit in my office, lights out, headphones in and just listen to creeks, babbling and birds chirping for 10 solid minutes.
Rick
And it.
Rick
Was so great they talk about, you know your mind being a blackboard or a whiteboard.
Rick
Excuse me or.
Rick
A smart board, shrubbery better.
Rick
But your day fills it up with things.
Rick
Just stuff right?
Rick
And then if you never erase the board, the board just gets.
Rick
More crammed with stuff and what you’re doing in the check in and with meditation is you’re erasing the board and you’re helping your brain to have some space to think.
It’s good.
Rick
One other thing that I don’t do never have done, I just it doesn’t work for me.
Rick
Is journaling?
Rick
There’s a great app called day one and being able to just express yourself may be very, very helpful for you, and this may be a great time to do that.
Rick
To spill out what is going on.
Rick
Inside of you a lot of people are kinesthetic and they want to write it out or to maybe type it out.
Rick
But taking the time is key, so.
Rick
Moving on from that, it would be.
Rick
It it just wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t address what school the school day does to you.
Rick
And one thing that we talked about with self care is, you know, shaping your environment and is is your environment shaped for health or not.
Rick
So for instance.
Rick
When I started, you know, getting into this later in my career I would realize, you know I’m an introvert one and I need time to be away from people and input so that I can recharge right?
Rick
What I realized was that I would get to school at 7:15 and you know, have an athletic period in the morning with junior high and then get to the athletics in the afternoon and then have games, all basketball season. So I might be in the gym until 10:00 o’clock at.
Rick
Right, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a basketball gym when there’s nobody in there.
Rick
It’s just the lights.
Rick
The lights have this wicked, huh?
Erin
Yes, yeah.
Rick
Just a wicked hum and then you add voices.
Rick
Shoe squeaks.
Rick
Just you know the stands banging together all of that and I was in that environment for hours and hours and hours.
Rick
So after the basketball season.
Rick
Would end in March.
Rick
It would take me literally until the first part of the summer to recoup like it took me that long to get back to normal.
Rick
So your environment is so.
Rick
Impactful on you and one of the things that I wanted to say about that is your room, your classroom.
Rick
If you have a classroom, if you travel, I’m sorry in there.
Rick
That sucks, but if you have your own classroom that is your environment, own that and make it yours.
Rick
If you need to turn out all the lights and then bring in a few lamps.
Rick
They could change the mood 100%.
Erin
We’ve heard so many people talk about that I feel like lately I didn’t do that all the time, but like you know, for independent work a lot of.
Erin
Times I would do that.
Erin
But man, when?
Erin
You walk into a classroom and it’s calm and the kids are just, you know, doing their stuff.
Erin
Even if they’re talking and you know, working collaboratively, you can just.
Erin
There’s a feeling to it, like they’re in it.
Erin
I get just kind of I don’t know what it is, but it does.
Erin
It’s relaxing and something it does something to you.
Rick
You go from like institutional.
Rick
You know, feeling like you have white walls and you have these really bright lights.
Rick
And maybe there’s a bit of a hum to them when you shut those off and you do some soft white light bulbs in a lamp, it changes the mood and it makes it home or more homey than than otherwise.
Rick
I never did it and I should have my goodness looking back.
Rick
My my whole thing is to to be like.
Rick
Relaxed and calm and you just can’t do that if you’ve.
Rick
Got these lights.
Rick
You know 1000 watts now and so it did.
Rick
But being able to possibly.
Rick
You know Katie Kinder talks.
Rick
About you know painting the walls blue, bringing in that you know natural.
Rick
If you think about the sky and and water and and you’re surrounded by that, there’s a lot of blue in that, and so they can calm and they could bring your students down.
Rick
To a place where they can be comfortable enough and feel safe enough to actually learn.
Rick
Uhm, but in there you can take this wherever you want to go.
Rick
Somebody the other day talked about using your smart board as a, you know, doing the what is it?
Rick
You go to YouTube and you can just search for a fireplace and there’s a fireplace that runs for like I don’t know 8 hours and you just turn it on.
Erin
Fire, yes.
Rick
And all of a sudden your room is now very comfortable and so.
Rick
Thing maybe not to everybody, but to more people than a stark white room.
Rick
You know with these bright lights so.
Erin
Or like a beach scene just looking over the water as the.
Erin
Waves roll in, that’s what someone.
Erin
Else said yeah.
Rick
Yeah, so shaping your environment is an option, so taking a look at that like how do you feel?
Rick
In your room and then feeling.
Rick
Uh, feeling comfortable in.
Rick
And feeling like you have the authority to make your room yours and not.
Rick
And to be clear about this may not make it like the teacher down the hall, right?
Rick
Like that teacher.
Rick
The one that does everything so well.
Rick
But maybe that’s just not your vibe.
Erin
Yeah, absolutely.
Rick
You know, like you have permit.
Rick
You have permission to make your room your room.
Rick
Now if it gets weird, you know somebody is going to tell you about that and you’ll fix it, but make it yours, because the more it’s comfortable for you, you’d be surprised at how comfortable it will be for your students as well.
Erin
And it even may help them discover, you know what is a good, comfortable learning environment for them too.
Erin
Like try.
Erin
It out try different things out and see.
Erin
You know what does work for.
Erin
You may very well help the kids out and probably will.
Rick
Yeah, and then you you can be more comfortable and and listen the whole point of this is so that.
Rick
The teachers that that teaching fills their heart.
Rick
Let’s make sure this you know this profession for you lasts 30 years and not 5 right?
Rick
Because burnout is well, more than ever before that.
Rick
I am aware of, burnout is Ultra Ultra common now and.
Rick
That you don’t, and and it’s rapidly rising, so that’s we want you to have the tools necessary and just have the awareness that, OK, whoa, I’m not doing OK.
Erin
And quickly.
Rick
What does that mean?
Rick
Why am I not doing OK, identifying those problems and then taking the time to fix it and then taking those steps?
Rick
To fix it can keep you in this beautiful and sacred profession for as long as you want to be there.
Rick
Yeah so.
Rick
That’s that, that’s our stick.
Rick
That’s that’s what we do, we.
We’re talking about some good.
That’s all we are.
That’s all we have.
Rick
That’s what we are.
Erin
Talking about self care, I will on air display, panic attack symptoms that’s.
What a trooper.
Erin
Yes, we want to be real with you guys, right?
Rick
What a trooper.
Rick
Well, this is what we do.
Rick
This is what we love to do and we love to be with teachers and if you want us at your school.
Rick
We’re available for that.
Rick
You can go to our website, go to our speaking page and see what you know what it is we talk about.
Rick
And get in touch with us.
Rick
Begin that conversation.
Rick
We want to talk to teachers everywhere and and and we want to hear your heart.
Rick
We want to hear what it is that.
Rick
You need and.
Rick
We want to see if we can.
Rick
Help with that.
Rick
Oh, and by the way, we do have kind of a self care resources page, it’s.
Rick
Relate then educate.com.
Rick
Back slash self dash care dash resources and if you go there, there’s just some of the things that we talked about today.
Rick
You have some links that can take you to everything that you need to go to, and you know cruise around our website a little bit and see which see what you see what you like.
Rick
See what you don’t let us hear about that and we want to hear from you.
Rick
We want to hear your voices and we.
Rick
Want to hear your stories so?
Erin
Throughly like desperately and it.
Erin
With all the excitement and everything, and I just, it’s really exciting to me to think of.
Erin
Connecting with teachers all over and feeling like.
Erin
When I affirmed and heard and seen, and this doesn’t just lip service me, just saying this like that is connection is.
Erin
Key, it’s my heart it’s you know the reason for living.
Erin
I mean it’s it is and so we’re so excited I’m I’m so excited for the people we’ve gotten to meet already I look forward to all of the future teachers like this is just.
Erin
Awesome, this is fun and exciting and.
Erin
I love y’all.
Rick
Yeah, and the podcast is available on Google.
Rick
It’s available on Apple.
Rick
A couple of different places I can’t remember, so go find us subscribe and we will be talking to.
Rick
You soon we love you.
Erin
Bye guys.