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Episode 2: Are you okay?

Hey, folks. Erin here. The word of the day is VULNERABLE. Holy smokes. Recording this episode of our podcast was a doozy for me. ūüė≥ Long story short, I have dealt with anxiety and depression for much of my life. But in neglecting my mental health for so long during my years teaching, I developed a really fun panic disorder that, as you can witness from listening, still rears it‚Äôs ugly head.

Podcasts have been so beneficial to me and my personal mental health journey. Getting to hear people openly explore and share about things that I have so deeply and personally felt, but had never spoken about or never had the words to speak about has helped destigmatized these things for me in my brain. They’ve truly helped me get help. So, by sharing this very personal struggle in this podcast, maybe, just maybe, someone will relate.

Teachers, our mental health and our self care practices are vital. I hope we can value ourselves, value how we got to where we are today, and value the things we can do to improve our lives. You are worth it!

Get in touch.

We’d love to hear from you. Send us a note with a little about what you’re working on, what you need, when you need it, how we can help, and we’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have. Don’t be shy…do it today.

Rick

Hello everybody and welcome.

 Rick

To the second episode of the relate and Educate Podcast, just going to fill you in real quick.

 Rick

I’m here with Erin and we just spent about 2025 minutes having coffee together and and it was the greatest and we just decided to come back to the mic and just to have this conversation. Could to continue this conversation.

 Rick

But Aaron, you want to tell him why we we took a?

 Rick

Break and went over.

 Erin

Yes, uhm hello everyone.

 Erin

I as soon as I got here I was just really not feeling like myself and I was.

 Erin

Buzzing inside it felt panic attack coming on and I just I don’t really know why it happened I’ve.

 Erin

Been so happy that I haven’t had.

 Erin

Panic attacks in so long and then here it comes.

 Erin

So anyway, I just kept trying to calm down and get my **** together so we could start this podcast and I just couldn’t do it.

 Erin

And so finally I came.

 Erin

I went to the bathroom.

 Erin

I came back into Rick’s office and I.

 Erin

It’s like.

 Erin

I’m in the.

 Erin

Middle of a panic thing right now and he was like, OK, let’s just get out of here.

 Erin

And so we walked across.

 Erin

The street and.

 Erin

Yeah, got coffee and first kind of talked about nothing and then yeah I feel so much better now something’s Rick.

 Rick

So we’re going to talk about self care and you know.

 Erin

How perfect.

 Rick

I’m not perfect and we.

 Rick

Know just from talking to a lot of teachers and from our own experience that.

 Rick

Self care is so hard to manage and God, it just is so weird.

 Rick

Sometimes you know even just the conversation we were having.

 Rick

A lot of this stuff comes out of nowhere and you don’t know why you feel like you need to just run out of the building and you can’t breathe and all that stuff.

 Rick

And so we’re going to talk about that in particular.

 Rick

But I think you know one thing, I want to talk about.

 Rick

Just run up the bat just to identify the elephant in the room.

 Rick

You know.

 Rick

Usually the first week or so in January you have this.

 Rick

Just this excitement, you know this going to be the best year ever and I was telling Aaron this morning I I have not picked up on any of those kind of vibes from anyone including me that you know this this year holds so much promise and and things like that.

 Rick

It’s just it feels like.

 Rick

2022 is just a perpetual.

 Rick

It’s just 2020.

 Rick

One, just you know, times two, it’s just it’s, it’s it.

 Rick

It exists, we know it exists.

 Rick

We’re walking through it mate.

 Erin

Yeah, same frustrations and.

 Erin

Weird stuff that was in 2021 is exactly the same stuff we’re doing now again.

 Rick

Yeah, so we’re definitely not strutting into 2022. Maybe we’re limping in or crawling into 2022 and we want you to know that that we get that.

 Rick

And we feel that, and so if this is not going to be, you know we’re not going to add things to your plate.

 Rick

We’re just we will want you to.

 Rick

To consider a few things about your.

 Rick

Self care and.

 Rick

You know the big thing with us and when we go have professional developments and talk with teachers, it’s a constant starting point of checking in with yourself and how important that is.

 Rick

And you could call it awareness.

 Rick

You could call it, you know, checking checking in questions.

 Rick

But whatever you call it, it’s just making sure that you’re doing OK and you know on on the regular I’m I’m checking in with friends and family and if I pick up on some weird vibes with them and I.

 Rick

I I just feel like man, something something’s off I’ll ask him about it and.

 Rick

Just say hey, are you OK?

 Rick

But how important is that for you to do for yourself so?

 Rick

You know, Aaron, what do you think?

 Erin

Yeah, I totally agree.

 Erin

I think a question that I ask people a lot is how’s your heart?

 Erin

Because like how you doing you know the common answer just like good.

 Erin

How are you or fine?

 Erin

You know, no one really gives an honest answer there.

 Erin

But like with my close friends, I don’t just like ask strangers that or anything but.

 Erin

With my close friends and family like how’s your heart and I do that I think ’cause my dad used to ask me that growing up too and so.

 Erin

So yeah.

 Erin

Getting to like.

 Erin

The heart of this stuff, and it’s I I check in with other people probably a lot easier and more frequently than I.

 Erin

Really check in with myself if I’m honest.

 Erin

I mean hello, just had.

 Erin

Panic attack a second ago.

 Erin

I mean, I think I do need to do more.

 Erin

I know I need to do more checking in with myself and taking taking an accurate look at.

 Erin

You know what life is looking like right now?

 Rick

Yeah, that that’s the issue is that you can go throughout your day and look at how is everybody else doing.

 Rick

How is my class doing?

 Rick

You know, in my own schedule, did I get that lesson completed or not?

 Rick

You have all these different things to think about, but the thing that you need to think about every day, not all day but every day you need to check in is yourself and just asking some very simple questions.

 Rick

And that is what today is all about so.

 Rick

Aaron, your story is so powerful because, well, I identify with it and I know that a lot of teachers identify.

 Rick

With it but.

 Rick

Could you just like walk?

 Rick

Us through you know your.

 Rick

A journey of self care and kind of how that all started.

 Erin

Yeah, I.

 Erin

Have been an elementary teacher for the past 15 years and this is my first year not teach.

 Erin

Uhm, I’ve kind of gone through, you know, I started younger and I just kind of kept moving up and then.

 Erin

I did stem my last.

 Erin

Couple of years.

 Erin

So anyway I.

 Erin

Loved I love teaching.

 Erin

I love teaching.

 Erin

I am and forever will identify myself as a teacher and.

 Erin

I don’t know that’s my heart that’s.

 Erin

Whatever kind of thing you’re if created to do something is a thing I think I was created to be a teacher and I.

 Erin

Love it and I’m thankful I’ve.

 Erin

Always had that and.

 Erin

I think since it’s been something that I’ve.

 Erin

Loved so much and it’s been so wonderful and fulfilling.

 Erin

I don’t know the negative things that were coming with it because it was so fun and I was.

 Erin

Loving it and.

 Erin

It almost like I shouldn’t.

 Erin

I was in doing something that I loved to do so much and I was having so much fun doing it.

 Erin

Then why am I feeling like this, you know?

 Erin

And so anyway, I.

 Erin

Teaching was my sweet spot, like I’ve kind of said, I feel like I’m rambling.

 Erin

I’m still kind of buzzing from earlier.

 Erin

I had a lot of.

 Erin

Barriers and difficult things that I like in my personal life.

 Erin

’cause it just I wasn’t taking care of myself mentally, physically anything and so.

 Erin

Anyway I started.

 Erin

Get like pouring everything into school.

 Erin

At the total expense of my mental health because.

 Erin

That’s what I do.

 Erin

That’s what I love doing, and that’s what I felt.

 Erin

Powerful in and.

 Erin

Then in doing so, it led to.

 Erin

Major like it, it culminated with anxiety, panic and I’m sorry.

 Erin

Can we like back up?

 Rick

No, just keep it on roll on.

 Rick

OK.

 Erin

OK OK OK.

 Erin

I’m kind of losing.

 Erin

My mind here OK?

 Erin

So I.

 Erin

I need to read through a second.

 Erin

I’m sorry.

 Rick

Just just breathe, yeah, you’re doing great.

 Erin

OK, I just was getting off track and everything yeah.

 Erin

All right so.

 Erin

With my first couple years of teaching.

 Erin

Yeah, I.

 Erin

Was, you know, going through like a really long break up my first year or two and it was break up and then back on so it was.

 Erin

Uh, just total.

 Erin

You know, screwing with my mind and everything, and I remember in like when I was teaching my second graders and I would be standing there riding on the board and then just something a wave of sadness and heartbreak would hit me and I was this.

 Erin

Only adult in the classroom.

 Erin

My back was to the students, my students and tears were coming out of my eyes and they just like would hit me so strongly.

 Erin

And then I would turn around or gather up all my strength to turn around and have a brave face to my face and I turn.

 Erin

Around and keep.

 Erin

Teaching and I was just like pushing all of my emotions and all of that stuff.

 Erin

Aside, and obviously it was like.

 Erin

Bubbling up and coming out of my eyes even while I was teaching and then oh truly, one of the biggest struggles for me.

 Erin

Like the financial struggles ’cause we don’t make much money and I have.

 Erin

I was single up until my 30s.

 Erin

And I had a house I owned a house and I started out with a roommate and then eventually was just doing it totally by myself and I was.

 Erin

I was overdrafted almost every single time I got paid I was.

 Erin

I mean it was this is vulnerable for me to talk about this.

 Erin

’cause this is such a point of shame.

 Erin

For me, I just felt so.

 Erin

Worthless that I couldn’t.

 Erin

Control, you know, consume ’cause I was wanting to.

 Erin

Have a social?

 Erin

Life wanting to have fun, but I had in Morgan a mortgage and I hardly had any money.

 Erin

I mean making I started out making $29,000. I mean how in the world is someone supposed to live on that today? I mean we we.

 Erin

Can’t so anyway.

 Rick

Well, just to that.

 Rick

Point I was and this is I never talk about this.

 Rick

Yeah to anybody except, you know, just one or two close friends.

 Rick

It was shameful for me that into my 40s into my 40s.

 Rick

I would go to target to get groceries on Sunday afternoon.

 Rick

And there were regular days.

 Rick

It happened regularly that I didn’t know if I had the money to cover the groceries.

 Rick

Now, with that said, I we we did not spend.

 Rick

You know we didn’t just blow our money.

 Rick

We had two kids.

 Rick

You know we had bills.

 Rick

We were.

 Rick

We manage our money very very well, but it was razor thin every month.

 Rick

And you know, I taught my wife is still an elementary educator and that stress.

 Rick

Wears on you and it’s shameful because you know.

 Rick

As a 40 year old man with a family that is not where you’re supposed to be financially, you know.

 Rick

So I yeah, I get it I.

 Erin

Get it, I mean, when I really do take a look back at things I do think money was probably.

 Erin

Be a huge contributing factor to the decline of my mental health, like the lack of my and.

 Erin

I was just.

 Erin

Constantly under stress.

 Erin

I was constantly like and I this is so embarrassing but like I even had to come to my dad one time.

 Erin

And be like I’m.

 Erin

Sunk I need help and like my dad had to bail.

 Erin

Me out because I was so.

 Erin

So anyway, if I’m just being honest and I don’t know, maybe other people you know haven’t had that big of a struggle, but I just don’t think that’s true because everyone knows teachers make hardly anything.

 Erin

And if you’re not really good with your money and balancing your money, and if you you know have a whole lot of responsibilities, then you just how are you supposed?

 Erin

To do it all so anyway.

 Erin

When I look back, money was a huge thing and then.

 Erin

I don’t know. You are always looking around at other teachers and they’re staying until 5:00 or 6:00 o’clock. And then if you know you’re happening for one day to leave at 3:30 or something and then people have comments about it. Even though like the day before, I was just.

 Erin

Staying really late, you know?

 Erin

I don’t know.

 Erin

I don’t know, just.

 Erin

And you’re comparing yourself.

 Erin

It’s probably not other people being as hard on me as I was I was.

 Erin

That’s probably a lot of internal stuff.

 Erin

We’re going to say something.

 Rick

Well, you compare yourself to everyone you see.

 Rick

Yeah, not just one teacher.

 Rick

So if you leave before anybody, then you feel a little bit bad about it and you know.

 Rick

And then those passive aggressive comments are always nice and Katie Kinder talks about you know why do we eat or young and?

 Rick

Yeah, we very gently at times eat our young just with these offhand comments.

 Rick

You know, not knowing how devastating it can be for someone to say, you know, oh, you know, did did you have an appointment yesterday?

 Rick

Is that why you left 3:30?

 Rick

Yeah, like, oh leave me alone.

 Erin

Or like oh, I came back to talk.

 Erin

To you the last.

 Erin

Couple days and you haven’t been here and I I don’t.

 

Know what I’m supposed to say?

 Erin

To that like they’re getting.

 Erin

On to me for being a 23.

 Erin

Year old who went home.

 Erin

Yeah, so I don’t know just.

 Erin

And I compare myself.

 Erin

I hold myself to a stupid high standard that I would never hold anyone else to like.

 Erin

It would be cruel to hold someone.

 

Else to this.

 Erin

Standard that I like.

 Erin

You know, I get on to myself for every little thing, but.

 Erin

I don’t know.

 Erin

I put, I know that’s a lot of self inflicted stuff is though comparing, but uhm.

 Erin

And just once.

 Erin

I I moved from 5th grade or sorry 2nd grade to 3rd grade to 5th grade and when I moved up to 5th grade I was the 5th grade social studies and science teacher and so the person or it was actually two people who did it before me and they were kind of you know legends at her school they’d.

 Erin

Been there for.

 Erin

You know a couple decades and then.

 Erin

Everyone was excited to do all of the activities that they knew were going to happen in there, so I felt like there was a lot of stuff that I had to make sure and do.

 Erin

Plus, I was teaching early American history, which I had not had myself since I was in like what 8th grade.

 Erin

Whatever, usually teach that, I mean.

 Erin

I I was having to.

 Erin

Teach myself that and in science, and like the whole human body and all the human body systems, we did this big thing in fifth grade and dissecting sharks like there was just so many big moments.

 Erin

I think there is even an election that.

 Erin

Year so I was a.

 Erin

Social studies teacher.

 Erin

So I was doing that so there.

 Erin

Was just so many big things and I.

 Erin

Just felt.

 Erin

Like I had.

 Erin

Like it wasn’t an option to not do those things, and so I’m not exaggerating.

 Erin

I would if I wasn’t staying at school really late when I first started teaching 5th grade.

 Erin

If I wasn’t staying at school till like six or seven.

 Erin

I was going home at three or four because I just needed a change of scenery and I was working at my house until well after midnight.

 Erin

I was going to sleep for I’m not exaggerating like 3 or 4 hours and waking up really.

 Erin

Early so I could wake up and make sure I knew all of the information that was going to go in part to my kids and it was such a big responsibility and you know, is.

 Erin

That whole year is kind of a blur.

 Erin

When I think about it.

 Erin

’cause as a whole.

 Erin

I was literally sleeping like 3 hours every night like it was just crazy and so that year.

 Erin

Was kind of like the tipping point for me because I had just.

 Erin

I gave everything like I can’t stress like every ounce of everything I did was for my kids and baby.

 Erin

I loved it.

 Erin

I was teaching your daughter that year and that was such a wonderful, memorable year and I did feel like I was.

 Erin

A good teacher like.

 Erin

I felt like I was.

 Erin

Engaging and having all of these you know rewarding activities.

 Erin

And all this kind of stuff, but.

 Rick

And a quick side note, you you taught my son and my daughter and you.

 Rick

Are their favorite teacher both?

 Rick

And so it’s no joke, she was.

 Rick

She is a really, really good teacher, but you just did.

 Rick

You took it too.

 Rick

Far, oh I took it.

 Erin

Too far and or I was.

 Erin

Just putting.

 Erin

No energy in anything else, and so like I wasn’t, there was no balance anywhere like I would hardly even see my family like my parents or I just wasn’t seeing people ’cause it was.

 Erin

I was so busy and you know what’s?

 Erin

Really messed up is that.

 Erin

Everyone in your life.

 Erin

I feel like when you’re in those times and my friends, my.

 Erin

Parents even like you’re getting like, oh, you are working so hard you’re getting all of this praise about like.

 Erin

Oh my goodness.

 Erin

And when you when you know your family is like checking in with someone I haven’t talked to in a long.

 Erin

Time like oh.

 Erin

How is Aaron oh?

 Erin

She is working so hard like?

 Erin

That was kind of.

 Erin

Like my idea and.

 Rick

You’re bad learner.

 Erin

I did like I felt like.

 Erin

Yeah I am.

 Erin

I am putting in the time like I felt not only like a good teacher but like a.

 Erin

Good adult you know like I.

 Rick

They’re good Americans.

 Erin

Felt like this, yeah?

 Erin

America and I just.

 Erin

I don’t know.

 Erin

It it it was a mind game really.

 Erin

It was so weird because you get so and oh, and to add that I got voted teacher of the year that year like that I was getting seen and recognized for all that stuff that was giving me pride in one way.

 Erin

But then I also if I was checking in with myself and I was asking myself those questions.

 Erin

I was not happy.

 Erin

I was in a very dark place and I was in a scary.

 Erin

Place like my mind I never.

 Erin

Wanted to actually kill myself, but dying sounded really peaceful.

 Erin

Dying sounded like.

 Erin

Ah, that easy.

 Erin

That’d be really easy.

 Erin

And so and I thought that for a long time.

 Erin

And your.

 Rick

Body and your mind is just so hungry for rest in peace that that sounds pretty enticing.

 Rick

And I’m I’m saying that with the same experience like I felt that too.

 Rick

So yeah.

 Erin

So I don’t know that.

 Erin

Year, the last day of school, like all the teachers come back after the kids had had left.

 Erin

They closed out and then they announced, like the teachers of the year that year and called my name and so that night.

 Erin

It was my friends Bachelorette party actually and so all of my girlfriends got together and I had told my sister.

 Erin

I think that I had gotten that reward, so she was like bragging on me to all of my friends and stuff.

 Erin

And that night was probably my darkest night ever, and as I was like had the little.

 Erin

Apple statue thing like looking in my room across from me.

 Erin

I mean I was.

 Erin

So low I was so unhappy I was hurt.

 Erin

I was lonely.

 Erin

I was just.

 Erin

Deployed and in the years over so now that I have now, I have summer and.

 Erin

It’s like what you?

 

Know this first.

 Erin

Couple weeks this summer.

 Erin

Like you don’t know what to do with yourself because you’re just so used to being like Oh no, no no no not.

 Erin

On and so anyway.

 Erin

Long story, that was kind of that all of that over working like that was the year that it just kind of halted because it like had such an effect on me that I could not continue going on like that like it was even as much as I tried to.

 Erin

I tried to, but like I literally could not.

 Erin

So anyway, all of not dealing with that led to years of anxiety and depression and getting worse because you’re not dealing with anything ’cause you’re ready so overwhelmed with school.

 Erin

How in the hell are you going to have time to go do anything else about this?

 Erin

I wasn’t going to like any doctors or anything because who has time and.

 Erin

It had been.

 Erin

So long that I was like little **** they’re gonna tell me I’m dying ’cause I really felt like I was dying when I was, you know, in the middle of.

 Erin

All the fun anxiety that anxiety does.

 Erin

To you and.

 Erin

So it’s just years and years and years money problems feeling like I’m dying but too afraid to do.

 Erin

Anything about it?

 Erin

Not sleeping, I mean just all of that kind of stuff.

 Erin

So anyway, one summer.

 Erin

Actually, this summer after that I met my husband.

 Erin

I had not, but he.

 Erin

Like came in and just.

 Erin

Changed my life.

 Erin

Life, but there was something like I think.

 Erin

It just.

 Erin

Shook my world up enough where I?

 Erin

Had to not focus on the same things I was focusing.

 Erin

And so, like my priorities were just different because I really liked this Wesley guy and I yeah he was my new priority.

 Erin

Not my 5th graders, you know.

 Erin

And he was.

 Erin

You know, so I I.

 Erin

I did start kind of having.

 Erin

I changed my perspective and stuff, but I still wasn’t dealing with the mental things that all of those years of neglect had dealt with.

 Erin

And I like the first several years.

 Erin

Of my marriage.

 Erin

Were kind of hard.

 Erin

They were great they.

 Erin

Were so fun.

 Erin

But it was hard for me because I.

 Erin

Was going to school giving.

 Erin

Everything like being so, so, so on and then I would come home and I you I was used to coming home to like an empty house ’cause I was living by myself and so now I come home.

 Erin

And I’m just done.

 Erin

And my husband was not only just getting leftovers like they weren’t even leftovers like he was just getting this quiet like shell of a person.

 Erin

He was grumpy all the time and I was grumpy in the mornings when I woke up.

 Erin

I was grumpy on that, you know, like.

 Erin

It wasn’t.

 Erin

I could not have been.

 Erin

Fun to live with and so.

 Erin

Anyway, we you know we talked about that.

 Erin

Priorities started changing and that was really good for me.

 Erin

We, you know, I started having more outlets and fulfilling things than just school and so anyway.

 Erin

I’m talking a lot.

 Erin

There was, I started teaching stem and my world kind of slowed down a little bit.

 Erin

Not that special teachers have so much and they have so much extra like art shows.

 Erin

Plays all of that extra kind of stuff, but a lucky thing is we don’t have like papers to grade and so that kind in that.

 Erin

Aspect my workload.

 Erin

Lessened significantly, and so I was more free to not stay at school at ungodly hours.

 Erin

So like be there during my contract hours.

 Erin

And you know, whatever.

 Erin

So that was really nice and.

 Erin

It was really frustrating also because I thought like my life is getting so much easier and so.

 Erin

Much better but.

 Erin

I’m dying and I feel I would go to school and I would sit in my.

 Erin

Car and die before I get out.

 Erin

And I would be fighting back.

 Erin

Tears trying to.

 Erin

And catch my breath.

 Erin

I would I would shake.

 Erin

I really felt like I was having heart attacks every day and I and again too afraid to go to the doctor and anxiety lies to you.

 Erin

Your brain is like a cruel mean person and.

 Erin

Lies to you.

 Erin

And so anyway, it’s just.

 Erin

It was just so.

 Erin

Such a messed up place in my head for so long that it’s hard for me to even think back there.

 Erin

’cause I.

 Erin

Have things a little bit clearer, but.

 Erin

It was just so.

 Erin

Busy and noisy and scary and.

 Erin

It was just such a bad place.

 Erin

And so one day I was at school.

 Erin

I showed it was a Friday morning and I showed up to school and my first class didn’t come until 9:00 o’clock and I showed up and I was like OK.

 Erin

Today is the day I will die.

 Erin

Today is the day, not my own.

 Erin

By my own, but I just thought I was dying and I’m going to go home and just whatever happens, and I really, truly had convinced myself.

 Erin

So I called our.

 Erin

Office person was like I’m so sick.

 Erin

I can’t stay here anymore and she’s like, oh honey.

 Erin

OK go home go home.

 Erin

So I went home.

 Erin

And as soon as my.

 Erin

Husband came home from work I just.

 Erin

I’m doing in my head and so depressed they.

 Erin

Have anxiety well if I’m just feeling all.

 

This stuff.

 Erin

And I it just came out and.

 Erin

Something about that day like it almost feels like miraculous hell.

 Erin

Just those words coming out of my mouth.

 Erin

Like the weight kind of lifted a little bit and I could see things more clearly and.

 Erin

Wesley, my husband, like if I would say something he would be able to like.

 Erin

Check back in and be like that’s not real like what you’re saying.

 Erin

They’re like let’s.

 Erin

Look at reality.

 Erin

For a second, so just having.

 Erin

I don’t know acknowledging things just helped so much and it just and now I look back.

 Erin

Over the past.

 Erin

I don’t know five or six years since that moment.

 Erin

And I’ve gotten therapy I’m on.

 Erin

You know, whatever tragedy or a Lexapro whatever that antidepressant, whatever it is, and I’ve found a good thing that works for me and I.

 Erin

Don’t know I.

 Erin

Just look back to that time and I just.

 Erin

I hate how that person felt and I really hate.

 Erin

That there’s other teachers that.

 Erin

Would be feeling anything on that spectrum like.

 Erin

Even if it’s not as severe, even if.

 Erin

It’s way more severe like.

 Erin

I couldn’t teach like that like I was.

 Erin

There were times in my stem classroom that I would be.

 Erin

Like in the middle of like getting a kit, getting kids like.

 Erin

OK, here’s your project for the day or here’s what you know.

 Erin

Here’s your essential questions.

 Erin

Let’s answer them.

 Erin

And like I couldn’t continue and be like OK, I need to make it or send an email real quick and I would put like a dude perfect video on and just sit at my desk and have panic attack while I had a class full of kids like I couldn’t teach.

 Erin

Like that like it was in such a.

 

I don’t know.

 Erin

It’s the thought of anyone else going through anything like that.

 Erin

I just.

 Erin

Want you to?

 Erin

Know I did it and I still do it.

 Erin

Hello I had a panic attack this morning so I don’t know just acknowledging.

 Erin

I guess to get back to.

 Erin

Where we started as.

 Erin

Oh my God, I would have checked.

 Erin

In with myself taking a.

 Erin

Truly honest look to had.

 Erin

I don’t know if I would have been honest.

 Erin

I wasn’t being honest with myself.

 Erin

I certainly wasn’t being honest with my friends or family.

 Erin

Was keeping everything in.

 Erin

If I was just checking in, I just I feel like I could have looked at this a little bit more.

 Erin

Broadly and.

 Rick

It’s so hard when you have that kind of emotion involved because it’s so immense.

 Rick

It’s so big and maybe maybe kind of know that deep down and.

 Rick

That’s why you don’t ever look at it.

 Rick

You know what I mean like?

 Rick

When I was going through my stuff I.

 Erin

Yes, that’s so good.

 Erin

Keep going that’s.

 Rick

Yeah, but when I was going through my.

 Erin

It just hit me when you said.

 Rick

Stuff it would come out in particular moments in my day and for me it was in the morning when I would.

 Rick

Take a shower.

 Rick

I I would get like.

 Rick

Disproportionately angry in the shower.

 Rick

I I I would start to think about frustrations and just things about work and school and stuff.

 Rick

And you talk about just boiling rage in the shower every morning.

 Erin

What a great way to start your day.

 Rick

It’s so it was so.

 Rick

Weird, but looking back I can see that there were no inputs like I.

 Rick

I could not be distracted by either.

 Rick

You know, doing things or reading or listening to things or whatever, or being engaged in a task.

 Rick

So when I’m in the shower, it’s just all the inputs are gone and it’s like all of that.

 Rick

Anxiety and frustration started to kind of bubble up to the top like it’s almost like it wanted out, but I wouldn’t let.

 Rick

It and then you know when like when the jar cracks and there’s no choice.

 Rick

Everything is coming out no matter what you know you have those moments of OK, I can’t ignore it anymore, you know and.

 Rick

It’s so great that your husband was there as a backstop for that.

 Rick

Oh, ’cause imagine if he wasn’t there and.

 Erin

How much gems gotten, I know.

 

Right?

 Rick

But to be able to.

 Rick

Identify the problem, whatever that is.

 Rick

You know it could be tension at work.

 Rick

It could be just frustrations.

 Erin

Or just acknowledge that you are frustrated or that yeah, I.

 Erin

Mean at the?

 Erin

Very basic things like what do I feel right now?

 Rick

Like how do I feel right now which is?

 Rick

I mean, that’s the point of what we’re talking about.

 Rick

Today is checking in with yourself on a regular basis should not be optional.

 Rick

It’s something that you need need need to do because both Aaron and I existed for many years without like honestly looking at.

 

Not ourselves.

 Rick

Uhm, and I I hear what you were saying.

 Rick

About getting that affirmation of you’re working so hard.

 Rick

Yeah, you’re working so.

 Rick

Hard well that.

 Rick

Is great in a healthy way, but when you’re doing it way too, you’re going way too far.

 Rick

You’re pouring way too much energy and your you care way, way, way too much for it to be healthy and sustainable then.

 Rick

You know they don’t know that when they say, hey, you’re working so hard they mean you know this.

 Rick

This is a compliment, but when it’s detrimental to your health and your happiness and your family like that’s an issue so.

 Rick

You know?

 Rick

Realistically speaking, it is difficult and most people do not check in with themselves.

 Rick

Most people do not take the time to.

 Rick

Meditate and that’s.

 Rick

Not really what we’re talking about here today.

 Rick

We want to start with, you know, small, actionable steps that any teacher in their unique day.

 Rick

Because teachers have a unique day.

 Rick

It’s not like you know, go into business or running a shop or anything.

 Rick

It’s different.

 Rick

You have the benefit of a schedule.

 Rick

But you are inundated with decisions, so you have decision fatigue.

 Rick

You’re likely physically fatigued because you’re probably not sleeping as long as you should.

 Rick

So you may be stress eating, so there’s a lot of things going on and we want to kind of unravel them one thread at a time, and.

 Rick

So what we’re talking about today is, you know, checking in with yourself.

 Rick

In particular, and we’re going to look at a couple of different aspects of that as well that are important to take a look at.

 Rick

Uhm, but asking yourself how are you right now?

 Rick

Like if you were talking to a friend and clearly your friend is upset.

 Rick

Clearly there’s something off about how they are operating in the course of the day and you said, hey, are you, are you OK?

 Rick

Like that interjection, forcing them to stop and think am I OK and?

 Rick

You know, have.

 Rick

You ever done that with a friend?

 Rick

And they’re like I don’t.

 Rick

I don’t know is.

 Rick

There something you know well, why do?

 Rick

Why do?

 Rick

You ask, right?

 Rick

Like what evidence do you have like?

 Rick

What have I not like?

 Rick

Shielded from you?

 Rick

So that I could fix it, but just knowing you have to recognize, oh, I am not OK, right?

 Erin

Now well and.

 Erin

Being like yeah I’m OK But I’m also sad and I’m also this and I’m also this and you being you don’t have to be one thing like that’s not mutually exclusive.

 Erin

You can be really happy and really fulfilled in whatever and your friendships and your marriage and your.

 Erin

You know, being a parent, whatever, but then you.

 Erin

Can also be dying.

 Erin

And you can be.

 Erin

Sad and depressed.

 Erin

And confused and all this stuff, so it’s just.

 Rick

You can be more than one thing, yes.

 Erin

Yeah, live in the end.

 Erin

You’re happy and you’re scared you’re this and you’re this and that’s OK.

 Erin

It doesn’t mean that you’re not happy, it means that you’re also experiencing other stuff.

 Rick

Right?

 Erin

Yeah, so I needed to hear that because.

 Erin

Like that it can be nuanced that it can.

 Erin

There can be a lot of different feelings and stuff.

 Erin

I just felt like I had to be a good worker.

 Erin

I have to.

 Erin

Be happy about this.

 Erin

’cause I love teaching and I love kids, yeah?

 Rick

And and you can love teaching and it can.

 Rick

Really suck all at.

 Rick

The same.

 Rick

Time, yeah, and acknowledging you know today, really.

 Rick

So it it really did.

 Rick

However I love this and that’s why I’m coming back tomorrow.

 

Yes, yes.

 Rick

But man today was a bummer.

 Rick

Like it, it was bad.

 Erin

That so.

 Erin

Hard for it.

 Erin

Felt like I was like.

 Erin

I don’t know like being unfaithful to my teaching career or something in my life.

 Erin

I don’t know how to explain.

 Erin

It, but it.

 Erin

Didn’t feel like I could always be.

 Erin

Maybe that just as a society, we’re opening up our eyes where we can see things.

 

I don’t know.

 Rick

Yeah no, I I the.

 Erin

More nuanced, I think that’s more focused now.

 Rick

I think that we’re way more honest about things these days than when I started.

 Rick

You know, in the late 90s even.

 Rick

But you know, we will get into that kind of thing in another episode.

 Rick

But what I wanted to circle back to is like, OK, so there is a need to look at yourself and to check in with yourself and ask yourself these questions.

 Rick

How is it that you can do that?

 Rick

Because I I you know, I’ve been to some in services with.

 Rick

People that talked about meditation and yoga and things like that, but they they never taught and they have no idea how to integrate this very helpful technique.

 Erin

What that can look like for a teacher?

 Rick

Yeah, but how do you fit that into your day without it?

 Rick

Just like this doesn’t work.

 

Yeah, yeah.

 Rick

So Erin and I’ve looked at some things and we have a strategy for you.

 Rick

It’s very simple.

 Rick

It’s very basic.

 Rick

You know whether.

 Rick

It be 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes.

 Rick

And Aaron said, you know, maybe it’s just a breath.

 Rick

So maybe it’s just 10 seconds that you do this, but doing that every work day, so maybe it works Monday through Friday, but it doesn’t fit into your schedule Saturday and Sunday.

 Rick

And that’s OK.

 Rick

What we’re looking at is being able to as an individual.

 Rick

Monitor how you are physically, mentally, spiritually.

 Rick

Uh, in the school setting because I think that the school setting does a lot of things to you and we’ll get to that in a minute.

 Rick

And how are you dealing with that is important, so integrating that into your day.

 Rick

So what we’ve come up with is this.

 Rick

You have a set schedule in your day as a teacher.

 Rick

Most people do anyway.

 Rick

Most teachers do, so you have a planning period.

 Rick

Whether that be you know whether it may not be long enough.

 Rick

You know, maybe it’s not enough for you to get everything done.

 Rick

We get that, but it is built into your schedule and then you have a lunch built into your schedule and then you have an end of day so.

 Rick

We feel like you have three different options and whatever works for you.

 Rick

Uh, it.

 Rick

Works, so don’t judge yourself at all, you know.

 Rick

And if if it.

 Rick

If it just doesn’t work, that’s OK too.

 Rick

Let’s keep looking.

 Rick

But for instance, if you get to the end of your day, the bell rings and the kids leave.

 Rick

And like OK, so maybe you have a parent teacher conference.

 Rick

Maybe you have a meeting with some teachers.

 Rick

Maybe you have bus duty, but let’s let’s consider that none of that is going on right?

 Rick

Or none of that regularly goes on South end your school day.

 Rick

Let’s say it’s at 4:00 o’clock.

 Rick

Bell rings.

 Rick

Kids leave, walk over to the door, shut the door, lock the door.

 Rick

Turn out the lights and then go sit.

 Rick

Away from any window where people can peer into your room.

 Rick

And see you.

 Rick

So you don’t want any.

 Rick

Evidence for anybody to know that you’re in the room and that’s your trigger, right?

 Rick

So the trigger is going to the door, locking it, turning out the lights.

 Rick

The response to that is you going and sitting.

 Rick

And just being quiet, all the inputs are out so you know the lights are out.

 Rick

So a lot of the visual stuff.

 Rick

Maybe either is diminished or gone depending on how dark your room is, and then you know the noise.

 Rick

You know it’s it’s at least diminished minimized.

 Erin

Minimize yes.

 Rick

You’re not next to your computer, or it’s not.

 Rick

There is nothing to do in this time so.

 Rick

You just sit there, and honestly, if you just pause this podcast for just a second, if you just paused and just sat in a quiet room and just kind of looked at, how do I feel and just kind of went from head to toe and your body?

 Rick

You would be surprised at.

 Rick

Wow, my feet are burning or my chest is warm or I I can feel my pulse in my face.

 Rick

You would be surprised at what you will find when you just take the time to stop and you just stop doing things.

 Rick

Eliminate the inputs and sit there.

 Rick

Now can you do you?

 Rick

Can you take it farther than that?

 Rick

Absolutely, yes.

 Rick

Of course you can do that, but try that first.

 Rick

A two minute on the clock just sitting in the quiet.

 Rick

Most people should be able to pull that off.

 Rick

And then take it from there like wow.

 Rick

2 minutes is great, but maybe it’s not long enough.

 Rick

What if we went three minutes?

 Rick

What if we went five minutes?

 Rick

That check in will allow you to be a better teacher, a better friend, a better parent, a better child.

 Rick

All because you just take the time to say.

 Rick

How am I and then you can then say wow, I’m really angry.

 Rick

Yeah, my hands are shaking or cold.

 Rick

My body is in a full blown like you know.

 Rick

Response to, like you know, danger, you know I.

 Rick

Have my heart.

 Rick

‘s racing and then and like Aaron.

 Rick

Like what you said.

 Rick

Once you identified the problem, you found the edges.

 Rick

Your husband helped you create a plan and you started taking steps like.

 Rick

Just going to.

 Rick

The doctor yes.

 Erin

Oh my God, yes, that was.

 

Yes, yeah.

 Erin

It made me like, oh, you’re actually not doing too bad.

 Erin

You know there’s some things you could work on, and hey, there’s like science and professionals who.

 Erin

Have like know?

 Erin

About these things that you’re dealing with.

 Erin

And like we could help you.

 Erin

You don’t have.

 Erin

You don’t have to deal.

 Erin

With this all.

 Erin

On your own, like.

 Erin

That was I don’t know.

 Erin

Yeah, I opened my eyes a little bit and I want to say something about the like.

 Erin

You know, taking a breath on this stuff, I mean.

 Erin

Literally like sitting there in the dark or closing your eyes or whatever you’re doing.

 Erin

And like being like OK, the top of my head.

 Erin

My head.

 Erin

I fill my hair on my shoulders like feel what your body is actually experiencing in that moment.

 Erin

One it can take you out of like the crazy headspace because you’re focusing on like such intricate.

 Erin

You know small details and like thinking like what something smells like hear what you hear.

 Erin

But you touch like page into all your senses.

 Erin

And so it really it helps.

 Erin

Kind of like free your mind a little bit and then after you’re there or Azure there you can kind of.

 Erin

That’s a good way to check in.

 

Like OK?

 Erin

So I’ve gone through my physical things right.

 Erin

What is my head thinking?

 Erin

What is my heart feeling?

 Erin

What is I mean that I mean?

 Erin

I’m truly at the end of the.

 Erin

Day I would close the door and as like we were at a school that it was elementary, middle and.

 Erin

High school there.

 Erin

So at the end of the day, there’d be like middle school and high school former students coming in wanting to say hi and I would be sitting there at my desk.

 Erin

Away from the window and I’d hear all these knocking and.

 Erin

Like I guess she lived early today.

 Erin

Where where is?

 Erin

She and I was trying to like minimize that and be in.

 Erin

The moment and focusing book.

 Erin

That helped a lot.

 Erin

Getting like a cap to your day, like the end of the day and just in separating school day from the rest of the.

 Erin

Day to yeah from your real life you.

 Rick

Being able to put that school day in its place like OK, you are done now I’m moving into another phase.

 Rick

And but part of.

 Rick

This that’s hard because when students come to your door and they want to say hello and things like.

 Rick

Teachers feel obligated for that because it is good.

 Rick

It is.

 Rick

It’s so nice.

 Erin

It like its heart donut.

 

It’s so serious.

 Rick

However, owning that moment whether it’s two minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, owning it and saying this is for me, and I’m worth this investment.

 Rick

And it is an investment. You are investing in yourself, and it pays out 100,000 fold.

 Rick

But out of obligation, people tend to put themselves.

 Rick

On the back burner.

 Rick

And one thing that.

 Rick

You said about breathing.

 Rick

You know when you’re in yoga, they talk about breathing constantly.

 Rick

Right now there are obvious benefits to breathing it.

 Rick

It oxygenates your body and things like that.

 Rick

But one thing that it does when you are able to breathe it is it is.

 Rick

Your physical body is telling your mind we’re safe.

 Rick

Because when you take a deep slow breath, your body is telling your mind hey, we’re OK, chill out right and we’re still we’re still alive.

 

Yeah, we’re.

 Erin

Still alive like that is that’s the.

 Erin

Basic thing that I needed to hear in.

 Erin

Those moments like.

 Erin

You’re still alive.

 Erin

You’re still breathing it.

 Rick

And seems.

 Erin

Your heart still works.

 Rick

That’s so important.

 Rick

And when you breathe, like whether it’s manufactured or not, so at the end of a tough day, you sit, and you’ve done this for maybe three months.

 Rick

OK, and you.

 Rick

Sit at the desk and it was a really.

 Rick

Rough day, that first long breath you will feel your whole body.

 Rick

Just relax.

 Rick

And there’s a reason for that.

 Rick

It’s biological that you know.

 Rick

This is not magic, it is just the way that we’re built and it makes.

 Rick

So that’s step one, right?

 Rick

Taking the time on a regular basis at your schedule, fitting in two minutes in a dark room with the door shut.

 Rick

Let’s start with that now, what if you want to take it?

 Rick

What if you’re already doing that?

 Rick

But if you want to take another step, well, there are apps, of course.

 Rick

That you hear about all the time headspace is where I learned how to.

 Rick

They they have a like a 7 day free trial.

 Rick

I did the seven day free trial because again, we’ve talked.

 Rick

We talked about where I was financially.

 Rick

So what I did was I got headspace.

 Rick

I downloaded it.

 Rick

I did the seven day free trial and I went through their course.

 Rick

Basically they walk you through what is meditation and they’re great, and it’s so great and at the end of the seven days I did not.

 Rick

Go to the full blown.

 Rick

You know paid subscription.

 Rick

What I did was I went to.

 Rick

Com and com.

 Rick

Now has you know they have an app and you can get a premium at a discount for teachers but I went with the free and they just had.

 Rick

I just used the free options and they were great and what I did was I just used the template that.

 Rick

Headspace had showed me and I did that and.

 Rick

I did it for.

 Rick

Two or three years every day I had during my planning period I was a coach, so it was before my my athletic hour and I would sit in my office, lights out, headphones in and just listen to creeks, babbling and birds chirping for 10 solid minutes.

 Rick

And it.

 Rick

Was so great they talk about, you know your mind being a blackboard or a whiteboard.

 Rick

Excuse me or.

 Rick

A smart board, shrubbery better.

 Rick

But your day fills it up with things.

 Rick

Just stuff right?

 Rick

And then if you never erase the board, the board just gets.

 Rick

More crammed with stuff and what you’re doing in the check in and with meditation is you’re erasing the board and you’re helping your brain to have some space to think.

 

It’s good.

 Rick

One other thing that I don’t do never have done, I just it doesn’t work for me.

 Rick

Is journaling?

 Rick

There’s a great app called day one and being able to just express yourself may be very, very helpful for you, and this may be a great time to do that.

 Rick

To spill out what is going on.

 Rick

Inside of you a lot of people are kinesthetic and they want to write it out or to maybe type it out.

 Rick

But taking the time is key, so.

 Rick

Moving on from that, it would be.

 Rick

It it just wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t address what school the school day does to you.

 Rick

And one thing that we talked about with self care is, you know, shaping your environment and is is your environment shaped for health or not.

 Rick

So for instance.

 Rick

When I started, you know, getting into this later in my career I would realize, you know I’m an introvert one and I need time to be away from people and input so that I can recharge right?

 Rick

What I realized was that I would get to school at 7:15 and you know, have an athletic period in the morning with junior high and then get to the athletics in the afternoon and then have games, all basketball season. So I might be in the gym until 10:00 o’clock at.

 Rick

Right, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a basketball gym when there’s nobody in there.

 Rick

It’s just the lights.

 Rick

The lights have this wicked, huh?

 Erin

Yes, yeah.

 Rick

Just a wicked hum and then you add voices.

 Rick

Shoe squeaks.

 Rick

Just you know the stands banging together all of that and I was in that environment for hours and hours and hours.

 Rick

So after the basketball season.

 Rick

Would end in March.

 Rick

It would take me literally until the first part of the summer to recoup like it took me that long to get back to normal.

 Rick

So your environment is so.

 Rick

Impactful on you and one of the things that I wanted to say about that is your room, your classroom.

 Rick

If you have a classroom, if you travel, I’m sorry in there.

 Rick

That sucks, but if you have your own classroom that is your environment, own that and make it yours.

 Rick

If you need to turn out all the lights and then bring in a few lamps.

 Rick

They could change the mood 100%.

 Erin

We’ve heard so many people talk about that I feel like lately I didn’t do that all the time, but like you know, for independent work a lot of.

 Erin

Times I would do that.

 Erin

But man, when?

 Erin

You walk into a classroom and it’s calm and the kids are just, you know, doing their stuff.

 Erin

Even if they’re talking and you know, working collaboratively, you can just.

 Erin

There’s a feeling to it, like they’re in it.

 Erin

I get just kind of I don’t know what it is, but it does.

 Erin

It’s relaxing and something it does something to you.

 Rick

You go from like institutional.

 Rick

You know, feeling like you have white walls and you have these really bright lights.

 Rick

And maybe there’s a bit of a hum to them when you shut those off and you do some soft white light bulbs in a lamp, it changes the mood and it makes it home or more homey than than otherwise.

 Rick

I never did it and I should have my goodness looking back.

 Rick

My my whole thing is to to be like.

 Rick

Relaxed and calm and you just can’t do that if you’ve.

 Rick

Got these lights.

 Rick

You know 1000 watts now and so it did.

 Rick

But being able to possibly.

 Rick

You know Katie Kinder talks.

 Rick

About you know painting the walls blue, bringing in that you know natural.

 Rick

If you think about the sky and and water and and you’re surrounded by that, there’s a lot of blue in that, and so they can calm and they could bring your students down.

 Rick

To a place where they can be comfortable enough and feel safe enough to actually learn.

 Rick

Uhm, but in there you can take this wherever you want to go.

 Rick

Somebody the other day talked about using your smart board as a, you know, doing the what is it?

 Rick

You go to YouTube and you can just search for a fireplace and there’s a fireplace that runs for like I don’t know 8 hours and you just turn it on.

 Erin

Fire, yes.

 Rick

And all of a sudden your room is now very comfortable and so.

 Rick

Thing maybe not to everybody, but to more people than a stark white room.

 Rick

You know with these bright lights so.

 Erin

Or like a beach scene just looking over the water as the.

 Erin

Waves roll in, that’s what someone.

 Erin

Else said yeah.

 Rick

Yeah, so shaping your environment is an option, so taking a look at that like how do you feel?

 Rick

In your room and then feeling.

 Rick

Uh, feeling comfortable in.

 Rick

And feeling like you have the authority to make your room yours and not.

 Rick

And to be clear about this may not make it like the teacher down the hall, right?

 Rick

Like that teacher.

 Rick

The one that does everything so well.

 Rick

But maybe that’s just not your vibe.

 Erin

Yeah, absolutely.

 Rick

You know, like you have permit.

 Rick

You have permission to make your room your room.

 Rick

Now if it gets weird, you know somebody is going to tell you about that and you’ll fix it, but make it yours, because the more it’s comfortable for you, you’d be surprised at how comfortable it will be for your students as well.

 Erin

And it even may help them discover, you know what is a good, comfortable learning environment for them too.

 Erin

Like try.

 Erin

It out try different things out and see.

 Erin

You know what does work for.

 Erin

You may very well help the kids out and probably will.

 Rick

Yeah, and then you you can be more comfortable and and listen the whole point of this is so that.

 Rick

The teachers that that teaching fills their heart.

 Rick

Let’s make sure this you know this profession for you lasts 30 years and not 5 right?

 Rick

Because burnout is well, more than ever before that.

 Rick

I am aware of, burnout is Ultra Ultra common now and.

 Rick

That you don’t, and and it’s rapidly rising, so that’s we want you to have the tools necessary and just have the awareness that, OK, whoa, I’m not doing OK.

 Erin

And quickly.

 Rick

What does that mean?

 Rick

Why am I not doing OK, identifying those problems and then taking the time to fix it and then taking those steps?

 Rick

To fix it can keep you in this beautiful and sacred profession for as long as you want to be there.

 Rick

Yeah so.

 Rick

That’s that, that’s our stick.

 Rick

That’s that’s what we do, we.

 

We’re talking about some good.

 

That’s all we are.

 

That’s all we have.

 Rick

That’s what we are.

 Erin

Talking about self care, I will on air display, panic attack symptoms that’s.

 

What a trooper.

 Erin

Yes, we want to be real with you guys, right?

 Rick

What a trooper.

 Rick

Well, this is what we do.

 Rick

This is what we love to do and we love to be with teachers and if you want us at your school.

 Rick

We’re available for that.

 Rick

You can go to our website, go to our speaking page and see what you know what it is we talk about.

 Rick

And get in touch with us.

 Rick

Begin that conversation.

 Rick

We want to talk to teachers everywhere and and and we want to hear your heart.

 Rick

We want to hear what it is that.

 Rick

You need and.

 Rick

We want to see if we can.

 Rick

Help with that.

 Rick

Oh, and by the way, we do have kind of a self care resources page, it’s.

 Rick

Relate then educate.com.

 Rick

Back slash self dash care dash resources and if you go there, there’s just some of the things that we talked about today.

 Rick

You have some links that can take you to everything that you need to go to, and you know cruise around our website a little bit and see which see what you see what you like.

 Rick

See what you don’t let us hear about that and we want to hear from you.

 Rick

We want to hear your voices and we.

 Rick

Want to hear your stories so?

 Erin

Throughly like desperately and it.

 Erin

With all the excitement and everything, and I just, it’s really exciting to me to think of.

 Erin

Connecting with teachers all over and feeling like.

 Erin

When I affirmed and heard and seen, and this doesn’t just lip service me, just saying this like that is connection is.

 Erin

Key, it’s my heart it’s you know the reason for living.

 Erin

I mean it’s it is and so we’re so excited I’m I’m so excited for the people we’ve gotten to meet already I look forward to all of the future teachers like this is just.

 Erin

Awesome, this is fun and exciting and.

 Erin

I love y’all.

 Rick

Yeah, and the podcast is available on Google.

 Rick

It’s available on Apple.

 Rick

A couple of different places I can’t remember, so go find us subscribe and we will be talking to.

 Rick

You soon we love you.

 Erin

Bye guys.

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